Tuesday, August 18, 2009

More deadly than cancer.......http://www.halifaxcourier.co.uk/news/Crackdown-on-domestic-violence.5557595.jp

Just upsets me that this state of affairs continues and that there are so many jerks out there who seem to think wife beating is ok.

I used to wonder why people stayed in situations that are abusive, even though I had some idea. Now I know. An unhealthy emotional attachment is a part of it, but it isn't all there is. And it is not masochism, women generally do not enjoy abuse (I wish to knock that myth right on the head!!).

Part of it is fear, it is fear of what the other person may do if you leave. Depends how much of a psycho he is, and a lot of the time you don't want to put it to the test. Fear makes you apologise for things you know not to be your fault, it makes you consent to sex you don't want, it makes you stay in a relationship you are past wanting.

I say this because I've been there, sadly. Thank God I am out, now. But the emotional scars are still there.

Another thing to bear in mind is that physical abuse, while it may create more visable injuries, is not the only kind of violence. There is mental, verbal, mental violence, which is often even harder to cope with - being told everyday that you are stupid, ugly, nothing. The intention of the abuser is to make you feel like a piece of dirt - and eventually you do. It is mind control - repeat something to a person often enough and they will believe that. The aim of these sad man is to put their partners down to bring themselves up, they are deep down sad and sick men.

Now, I realise female on male DV is not unheard of these days, in fact I've written on here about it in the past. But it is a lot rarer. The number of men murdered by their female partners is miniscule compared with the number of women killed by men.

Of course, not all men are abusers. But sadly some still are, and these are the men I am talking about here. These sick men are like miniature dictators - with the large, inflatable egos of any tyrant. Yet however big their egos are, they are fragile. One prick with a pin and they burst, covering who is nearest to them with all the dirty water that lies in the dark recesses of their souls. Hence the blowing into rages over trivial things and their lack of tolerance of any criticism of their behaviour, however mild. Yet they are selective, it is fine for them to batter at their partner's ego because they feel they are entitled to. Because they are men.

Zero tolerance for this kind of sexual facism as I am concerned. Wife beaters are cowards at heart - nine times out of ten they are charming in public and everyone down the local pub says what wonderful guys they are. All the hatred and venom is reserved for their partners. Usually they will back away from a confrontation with a man, because bullies cannot pick on those their own size.

Like any bullies they are sad and small inside, psychologically they feel like dirt so they feel the need to bring someone else down to their level and make them feel like dirt as well. It is time to say no more. Learning to understand it will help stop this problem. This series will be updated.


Brigg57 said...

Hmmm...not sure whther to write on this one, being a man. In defence of male violence against defencelss women, i would like to..oh, er no, that's not what I meant to say.
A book called simply Violence by James Gilligan tries to look at what might cause it all. My view is that women on the whole are a lot cleverer than guys, and the
guys no like. Humiliation is suffered by these guys from a woman's sharp tngue or any assertion of her independence, and they need to show her who's boss by belittling her mentally and physically.

The guys may have very fragile egos as a result of experiences with their mummy, and lash out when tehy're reminded that they is not in control. I have a feeling that the guy cannot get out of the syndrome - he's trapped in it without therapy.

Ah, me. Two alternatives really for the woman. Get more makeup to cover the cuts around the eyes, or head for the door and don't ever, ever return.

The third alternative - a petrol bomb under the bed while he's sleeping - best not to even think about that one. Just head for that door.

Bad Kitty said...

I think you are right - I always suspected they feel threatened by intelligent women, especially when they speak their mind or assert independence. Hence all the belittling - my ex told me repetively I was stupid in the hope I'd eventually believe him and stop all independent thought. He did say something to me once that was quite revealing - that he used to feel controlled by his mother. Unfortunately myself and other women have suffered for it. He needs to get a life, get help.